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Archive for November, 2008

Transition Coach

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Transition, transition “in space”, which basically means moving out/moving in.

Mess. Fear. Excitement. Dealing with the new reality. Leaving the old and concentrate on the new. New is a good word- new can be positive change, opportunities, to know the unknown.

The unknown is fear and excitement, again. It is fear because it feels like jumping from a mountain just because someone you trust told you that it’s safe, that there is a safety rope so nothing bad can happen to you.

Jump- decision to say “yes” to transition. Transition is challenge. Challenge is difficulty. Win on the difficulty is a great feeling of achievement and fulfilment.

I am in the “mess stage”. Now I need to concentrate on my goal, which, clearly, is fulfillment.

Hmmm… New idea jumps in (what is about jumping today???): if I overcome my fear of transition, I will have an extra experience to add to my Life Coach bio (which still does not exist…), Transition Coach. We’ll see.

New thought (day of ideas or something?): I already am a Transition Coach (TC)- from France to Poland (TC for babies???), from Poland to Belgium (TC for kids), from Belgium to Poland (TC for teenagers), from Poland to Spain (TC for young adults).

Now: how to change those experiences into something useful for my Clients? What and how can I bring to their lives? To be continued…

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when we cross the line

Who is the first to notice that we reached our limits- us (our mind, consciousness) or our body?

We decide how many responsibilities we can deal with, what we feel able to accomplish, how many activities we can undertake everyday. Now, everybody has his own limits, physical and psychological strength, we are weaker or stronger (which also depends on people who are our “cheerleaders”, help us or diminish whatever we do). Let’s imagine a line, an “our limits” line. If we cross it, we wanted to do more than we can, maybe than anybody could do (ask yourself a question: how ambitious you are and are your goals realistic?).

So, how to recognize the moment when we cross this line?

One of my clients wasn’t sure if he didn’t take too many responsibilities but couldn’t determine where exactly his “limit line” was and how he would know that he crossed it, which in most cases unfortunately is revealed by health issues. I suggested him an exercise. He had to organize for each week 2 consecutive hours just for himself, his hobby, his pleasure (get a massage, go to movies, read a book, etc.). He was so enthused with this idea! He will have time to relax, to enjoy life! If my client finds out that for 3, 4 weeks he didn’t have this 2 relax hours, it would mean that he is too busy. Too busy to find 2 hours to enjoy life? Too busy to unwind? Then he would know he has crossed his line. He would know that it’s time to slow down and take a breathe or two.

Unfortunately, the other way to find out that we crossed our limits is when our body reacts to what we do. We get sick, we feel weak, our nose bleeds, we have little spasms in a hand, our back hurts, etc. Physical and psychological consequences might be much more dangerous than the ones I just mentioned. I don’t wish anybody to find out how powerful our bodies are and what could be more dangerous than nose bleeding or some spasms.

When we set up our limits and how we will find out if we cross them, it’s important not to let anybody judge us. We are our own judges. What one can stand another can’t. What one can do for 3 hours, another can do for 2 hours. Compare this to school- your friend Mary was good at maths but couldn’t understand literature while you were reading all the time and asking Mary to help you with maths. It’s that simple- we are all different.

Last thing would be to remember that we all have the resources to deal with the issues in our lives and to accomplish great things. Some people just know how to manage stress issues, others have this knowledge “hidden” and they need to acquire self-awareness. This would be the moment to hire a great coach and take this journey of self-discovery together, with somebody who will be there to provide support, motivate, show some skills and techniques that will be useful. Take care of yourself and simply do what is best for you.

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“(…) the notion of being a “mentor” has come to mean the process of both (a) advising or counseling, and (b) serving as a guide or teacher. Mentoring (…) emphasizes the informal relational aspect of learning and performance as much as it does the mastery of the task. Mentoring can also include the process of sponsoring and supporting another person by helping the person to establish empowering beliefs, and reframe limiting beliefs.

Mentors (…) guide us to discover our own unconscious competences, often through their own example. (…) In NLP, the term mentor is used to refer to individuals that have helped to shape or influence your life in a positive way by ‘resonating’ with, releasing, or unveiling something deeply within you.

(…) We can use the memory of the important mentors in our lives to help us reaccess knowledge, resources or unconscious competences.”

(Robert Dilts, Sleight of Mouth, Meta Publications, 1999, p.190-191)

Coaches are not mentors nor counsellors. Coaches do not teach and they will not give you ready answers. Don’t expect from your coach to be your mentor.

Reading this author’s book, 3 names have surprisingly came up. I am intentionally using the word “surprisingly” because I think that I am not the only one who has or had Mentors in her/his life without thinking of them this way, without attributing them the role they play or played in my life, often unconscious what they mean to me.

They were my teachers, my guides, gave me unconditional support, love and knowledge of life. They offered their presence, gave example and showed the path. Each of them, in its own particular way and in different moment has contributed to my personal development, growing up and recuperate strength. Of course, I made by myself a huge job too, but I am not sure if it would be possible if one of them wasn’t there for me.

I am writing this personal post for 2 reasons: to thank them and to make you know that you may have your Mentors too. Don’t look for them, let them come to you, allow them being in your life, leave the door open… Again, this is all about learning, discovering ourselves, reflecting and growing up. With the help of some great people.

Thank you Asia, Pierre and Lucas.

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I am tired!

I really wanted to write something interesting today- for me, for you, the reader, doesn’t matter (sorry …). But I am tired- tired of constantly fighting to survive in so many ways. To make my career (meaning now: business building- web site, web design and content, advertisement, finding client, starting officially the business; working with my clients- do all my best to make a great job for them and with them; writing the research paper; finding my Powerful Tool (I almost wrote: Powerfool…), don’t ask, I am not sure myself what it is (yet); coaching model, etc.), to finish my life in a country and move to another (don’t ask neither- I don’t know where we’re going to move…), deal with life in general and my health in particular (I am referring to Stefan and his disturbing and permanent presence in my life- and maybe taking more and more place each year which means that I should get rid of him. I would prefer Stefan to stay how he was in ’96 until someone finds a magic pill that will make him disappear. No, I am not schizophrenic.).

But I am also so fortunate in different senses of this word. Because I am stronger than 2 months ago. I am reaching a new level of self-awareness which I love. I have amazing people around me that I love and that love me. They are ready to do many things just to help me- I am incredibly thankful for that. My Dad seems to be something-like- a-little-bit-proud-of-his-daughter. This would be great and very welcome. I am coaching in 4 languages now- I wouldn’t believe it one month ago when coaching in English seemed like impossible- but here I am!

Ok, so today sun is not shining, but I can definitely say that…

no. Let me wait till end of next week when I hope I will say- I have stuff to do but I am fine.

End of this false inspiration.

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