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Archive for December, 2008

New Year’s Resolutions

In only few days we will celebrate the New Year- this upcoming event gives hope for better future, perspectives on new beginnings, we feel like forget about some unpleasant 2008’s events might be possible. It’s a good feeling. So many of us decide to make some New Year’s Resolutions- there is no better moment during the whole year to make not only one, but many resolutions! Loose weight, quit smoking, change job, start practice sport or other activity we are dreaming about for years- those are top 10 resolutions. What happens with them few weeks later?

There are many reasons why resolutions often don’t become true and one of them is procrastination. Procrastination is defined as “a type of behavior which is characterized by deferment of actions or tasks to a later time”. (wikipedia.com) This “later time”, obviously, might never happen and the action is never put in place.

Neenan and Dryden talk about 3 main causes of procrastination:

  1. Anxiety. This is based on perceived threats to your self-esteem if you engage in the avoided task. (…) You continually put off writing an article because you fear it will be rejected for publication thereby proving that ‘I have no talent’. (…)
  2. Low frustration tolerance (LFT). This refers to your perceived inability to endure frustration, boredom, hard work, uncomfortable feelings, setbacks, etc., so unpleasant tasks are avoided or quickly given up when started. (…)
  3. Rebellion. This is used as a way of expressing your anger towards others by delaying important tasks- you want to get back at someone for being told what to do or how to behave. (…)

Anxiety, LFT and rebellion may all be found in a single instance of procrastination.

(Life Coaching by M.Neenan and W.Dryden, Routledge, 2002, p.42-43)

When a procrastinator “forgets” about his New Year’s Resolutions and other important tasks that he was going to do, he might start experiencing uncomfortable feelings like stress, fear, guilt, loose self-esteem, even go through a life crisis. A person that becomes aware of this procrastination pattern is no longer able to “forget” it’s existence. If you don’t think about something, it doesn’t mean you forgot about it, thereby you are more exposed to feelings mentioned above.

A life coach is the right person to help you understand and overcome procrastination. And what about New Year’s Resolutions? I am pro! It’s always a great moment of reflection about the past year, the one that’s about to start, my hopes and desires, the work that has to be done and why… And if you struggle with procrastination why not add overcoming it to your list?

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Now I remember again- transition is an emotional storm, no matter if it just “happens” to you or if you chose the move.

I am in an emotional storm again and the strange thing is that I forgot that I felt a little bit the same when I was a kid or teenager. But there is a slight difference between being in the transition alone and being in the transition accompanied by my whole family who has similar feelings and is going through similar situations, even if we weren’t talking much about it. I guess I just could sense that we were all in this together.

This storm is sometimes a beautiful experience but a minute after it becomes quite unpleasant. It has different kind of “ingredients” generated by different situations. Sometimes the same situation creates both good and bad emotions.

So now I am going from happiness and excitement to sadness, from curiosity to fear, from envy to pity, from acceptance to rejection… There are days when I am just an observer, then I become the main actor of the play. Call it like you want…

The conclusion from this first stage of transition (basing myself also on what I remember from my past and what other people in similar situation told me) is that you need to find (and quickly) some kind of balance. I do also remember now how difficult it is for children and how much they need to be accompanied in this situation, never left alone to go through this storm. It might be manageable for an adult, it can create many problems for those who are not yet adults and who did not chose to change their lives.

I am now in Buenos Aires and will stay here for almost two months. I am looking for my place here. The interesting thing is that I am deep inside me (or not that deep for people who I share my life with) just like this city that I don’t understand yet, the city of contrasts. But I am really happy that I decided to change my life and that I can know this place. It was an important step and I hope that it will make me grow up as a person.

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