Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for June, 2009

Grow up! This is a sentence most of us were hearing on a regular basis in our childhood. As a child, this is one of the things you desire most: to grow up- not only physically, but also in a different way. This process will open so many doors. Adults can go to sleep late or not at all, they can watch all the movies they want, they can go to bars, smoke cigarettes, go on a date, drive a car. For a kid this list is endless. And what happens once you are actually a “grown up”?

I like to observe people. To analyse them. To understand them. To learn from their mistakes (as much as I try to learn from mines). At the age of 20,I was a naive optimist, so it somehow impacted me strongly that so many people around me gave up on this idea of growing up and making themselves better people. Most of them, after their 18th, 21st or 25th birthday (or just after finishing studies and getting a job) didn’t feel the need to change. They were who they were. I remember trying to make some of them come back to the idea of growing up, but they wouldn’t listen, or they wouldn’t understand or they didn’t feel the need to change.

Eventually, with years going by, I saw them going through incredible problems and life situations that were so hard that they barely could stand it. Back then, I thought that they will learn something, they will think about what happened and why, get to some conclusions and want a change. That they will understand that growing up during our entire lives is so important and should be important for them. It was so logical. One person, particularly important to me, had shown signs of  wanting to get deeper, have a time of reflection. I felt so happy for him. When the “storm” in his life was gone, he forgot about our conversation and now I don’t think he is able to grow up.

Then I observed another simple thing. Some individuals, no matter what, no matter how full their schedules are, always find time to keep growing up. They start activities like learning a new language (at the age of 47), they think about how the priorities in their lives change, they want to try more things so they can keep discovering the world, they keep looking for God or they do everything they can to be in a constant personal development.

I am not sure if I am one of them. I certainly love to learn and love to think things over and over. I am looking for the answers to my questions. Or I am looking for the questions that need to be answered. I am actually able to make quite a big life shifts or decisions if they may enable my growing up. And then some friend, with one email and zero understanding touches this fragile and insecure part of me and makes me questioning every single of my decisions. I didn’t know how to deal with her and her email, so I decided to write a post. And guess what… I just found out (again) that I’m growing up, that I love it and that I should never stop it- no matter what others think!

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

Take care of yourself. If you don’t take care of yourself, no one will do it for you. Or maybe someone will try, will do some things, but eventually he will get tired and it will get pretty obvious that the person who should be taking care of you is you.

More than a week ago I discovered (yes, I did discover it only now) that I have never taken care of myself just for me. I have almost always been doing everything to please others. And even if it seemed like I am pleasing myself, I wasn’t. An example? Buying some clothes, so I can be sexy and beautiful. You could think that this is one of the obvious pleasures we do for ourselves. In my case it’s never been like this. I want others to appreciate me, I want others to love me, and I want others to think good things about me. Even when I write, which is one of my hobbies, I do think about getting the appreciation of other people, not of my own pleasure of writing something valuable. When I post stuff on my blog, I wonder if someone will like it, if I will get any comments. When I do other activities, I think about getting clients for my practice so I can earn my life and my family and friends stop to think about me as a kind of looser.

Of course I know that it’s not reasonable, but it has never so clearly occurred to me that from time to time, without exaggeration, I should be doing something just for myself. It can be small things, like having a manicure or buying a pair of beautiful shoes (you know what I think when I buy new shoes? Is he going to like them? Is this colour the one he likes on me? And what’s worse, it’s not even his fault and I have never been given any kind of instructions concerning my shopping). You can do something different, like going to movies by yourself or spending a weekend in a spa, go to the beach in the morning and meditate. Whatever it is that you are silently dreaming about.

Maybe it will be not fair to say that men do take care of themselves better while women more often neglect their own needs and desires. The other thing I discovered recently is that concentrate on loving others INSTEAD of loving others AS WELL AS loving yourself, does not mean that they will love you back or that they will appreciate the “sacrifice” or that they will not hurt you. My conclusion: I have nothing “mine” (at least 1h per week with my favourite TV show!) and people would still do what they will decide to do- go away, never appreciate me, stop loving me, or just take care of themselves without caring much about me.

It seems that loving ourselves is so hard for many people. This is often the reason of eating disorders, addictions, or other things that people do because they hate who they are. Why do they hate themselves in the first place? I would ask them this question if I were their coach. Maybe they don’t hate, but just think that they are less important than other people. Or worthless. “Why?” I would ask again.

So why not start with some small steps, why not make yourself a pleasure, spend an evening on caring about your mind and body or doing whatever you’d love? Yes, for some people it is extremely hard and I understand. But let’s try to celebrate ourselves.

me loving me during bushwalking

me loving me during bushwalking

Read Full Post »