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Posts Tagged ‘pain’

We don’t really think about it until the day we are in such despair that hopelessness is the only word to describe our state of mind. Usually we have hope, more or less of it, depending on what we are thinking about, but we have it. If we are also motivated to achieve the results we are looking for, it is likely that we will succeed in our actions.

But we don’t think about hope on a daily basis. It is just present somewhere in our mind. We don’t even notice it. If I applied for a new job and I am now waiting for an answer, very nervous, it obviously means that I hope that I will be positively judged by the interviewer. If I was totally hopelessness, I wouldn’t be stressed, I wouldn’t think about that job in that way. I wouldn’t check my email, or look at my phone more often than usually. I wouldn’t imagine myself in the new office, having new responsibilities and enjoying it. I wouldn’t let my mind wonder how my life would look like if it wasn’t for hoping that I will actually succeed.

Hope is one of the factors that motivates us, whether we think about it or not. Even though this is only one of many factors, it’s the crucial one, the one without which nothing is possible. When we stop hoping for a better life, when we just don’t believe anymore we can get a job, when we start to think that life is not worth any effort, we are driven into a very dangerous state. Because nothing makes sense anymore. It’s not that we don’t move forward and the present moment is “ok”. It’s that we can’t even stand the present moment.

A person that became truly hopelessness needs help and I believe that he or she won’t do it on its own, because that person doesn’t see the point of doing anything. If nothing makes sense, there is no action that can change that state. Fortunately, most of us have a support system, people who love us, people who, if aware of what’s happening to us, are willing to help. It’s a very difficult situation to help a hopeless person and this is why it might be too hard only for one person to do it. Get the family or friends together, explain them how they need to be more present for the one they love, how they all together can make a huge difference in his life. Maybe also look for a specialist who will know how to talk to the person, help in a different way. You just need to create a support system.

When we recuperate some hope, we are able to undertake some steps to achieve whatever we want. We are able to think about the future. Imagine a better tomorrow. Get out of bed. Smile.

Hope is so important, you really wouldn’t like to see what life looks like without it. I’m trying optimist today, so let’s hope for a better future!

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denial…?

I see denial as a form of finding again this feeling of safety. It can be also comfortable- you pick up the comfortable instead of thinking about something that you might not like. It is also simply a way of avoiding pain- your instinct tells you that there is pain there; you avoid pain by not reflecting, not asking, not questioning. But one is always aware that he is in a strange state called denial.

Am I falling in denial? Are you? It’s easier not to see the truth, not to admit that something is wrong. You close your eyes and deep inside you hope for better. Is my kid taking drugs? Noooo, I’m sure he’s not and his strange behavior is only due to the fact that he’s a teenager. Is my husband cheating on me? Why would he, we’re such a good couple. He’s only got to work harder and can’t come back for dinner, be with his family. Is my business partner hiding something from me? We’ve worked together for so long, I shouldn’t even think this way.

On one hand, everything is a question of trust; there is no good relationship without trust. Falling into a paranoid state when everybody becomes a suspect makes it impossible to live, work, be together. But should the trust have some limits? Most people would say not- you either trust or not trust. I think there is a limit- it is the moment when you chose not to think about something, this short moment when your own voice tries to speak to you for the very first time about this „something”. When instead of doing nothing you should face your fear. Move into some kind of action.

On the other hand, trusting „too much” or „when you shouldn’t trust” does not allow you to be prepared to react correctly, to protect yourself, your family, to be psychologically ready for whatever is (or not) about to happen.

Just bare in mind that unfortunately, maybe this bad thing that you didn’t want to see, accept, that you never allowed yourself to really think about, maybe it eventually happens. Then it can almost destroy you…

And what if I am confusing denial with optimism? How to find the balance between what is reasonable thinking and what is paranoia or good wishing? The line seems sometimes to be thin. If a friend, a family member tries to talk to you, to “open your eyes” at what is evident to him or her, you might have someone to blame for the consequences of YOUR acts. You could tell this person that he’s responsible for what happened in your life. Or you can listen, think and answer.

I believe that sometimes it’s extremely difficult to have this strength, look in the mirror and tell yourself: it’s time I open my eyes. And assume the consequences. In a balanced way. Too much? Maybe.

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